Letter Realizations

I sat here writing these rough drafts to you. They all started with “I’m sorry…” or “I know this is stupid but…” etc. But no. No. I will not do that to myself. I got so used to you belittling me I started to do it to myself and I haven’t even noticed it. I am not going to apologize for what I’m going to say. The only thing I am sorry for is for shrinking myself down for you so that you wouldn’t get angry at me and leave. As if that worked.
I am not going to apologize for how I feel or felt. You can sit here and shake your head at me and tell me that I’m naive and that I haven’t learned anything. But thats just your opinion. I have learned so much since we broke up. So much. But I unfortunately am not some enlightened being yet, I am human and sometimes I have good days and I have bad days and you cannot judge me for my humanity.
I am not going to sit here and have you “test” me on how I’ve grown as a person. Because what you’re seeing right now isn’t at all what you think I should be like by now. I am not sorry that you don’t see my progress. But the thing is, you don’t know me anymore. You don’t know really who I am or what I’m like. You’re seeing this small glimpse of me. And I do not have to prove myself to you. I do not have to show my worth and how I have grown. What would it even matter to you? And right now the same goes for you so I’m not going to judge you for right now. We don’t know each other anymore. Honestly I don’t care who you are. I don’t care. You have no place in my life anymore. And God, all I want is to stop thinking about you. I loved you and I am not sorry for that. I am not sorry for anything that happened in our relationship. You helped me grow as a person in so many ways. We have fulfilled our purposes in each other lives and we will leave it as that.

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